Vegas and Back Again....

I’m currently back in Las Vegas for some poker after spending a week at home recovering from the “Bet Raise Fold” premiere festivities. While I’m excited for new Vegas adventures, it’s hard to move on from the awesomeness of the premiere. The day was one of those rare days where your head hits the pillow and you don’t want to go to sleep because that means the fun is over. I’ll document some of my favorite parts here for both my readers, and myself to relieve 

• Completion of the documentary and the actual screening:

As I mentioned in previous blogs, the start to finish journey of participating in this documentary was challenging. To finally be able to share the project with others was really satisfying. It was such a bizarre feeling to be sitting in a theatre with about 200 people, most of whom I didn’t know, watching a movie about such a major part of my life. It made me really happy to look around and see them smiling when my son would do something cute, or I’d say something funny. On a related note, it was also oddly satisfying to have the theatre be dead silent and somber during the Black Friday parts. I felt like the audience really connected with the moment and for that I guess I’m kind of proud.  Maybe my favorite moment of the whole screening was during a part I was initially pretty embarrassed about. I won’t give too much away, but I basically lose a big hand at LAPC and in frustration I say “F*$@ my life!” When I first watched the documentary I was horrified by this. I thought “I look like such a whiny baby, people are going to hate me. How could I let myself throw an F’ bomb like that on camera? I’m so blessed and I use such a horrible phrase. I look so terribly self-centered.” During the premiere I cringed as that part grew closer. I was sure that even if people liked me up until that time, they would see me at such an unflattering moment and I’d instantly become a villain. Then, the part came…..and everyone laughed. Like, they really laughed. Mike Sexton was sitting a row in front of me and I saw him laughing so hard he threw in a knee slap. I then realized I was being over-dramatic and ridiculous. While I typically pride myself on good sportsmanship and conduct at the table, every poker player can identify with that ridiculously frustrating moment where a donkey clicking buttons takes your hard earned chips.  If throwing an “F-bomb” is the worst thing they captured when following me around for countless  hours with a camera in my face, I should probably book it as a win. 

• Sharing the experience with my friends: 

I am forever indebted to poker for all the cool life experiences the game has brought me. From playing high stakes with a legend like Manny Pacquio, to doing a shooting contest at halftime of a Clippers game, I’ve accumulated some pretty sick brags. The one thing I feel like has been missing during these experiences was my loved ones. When Jay first told me the premiere was a go, I knew I wanted some of my family/friends to come with. 

 My husband is a pretty introverted guy and I knew going to a premiere and after-party where he wouldn’t know anybody, wasn’t going to be his idea of a good time. When I mentioned he could maybe get out of going if I invited my friends, he jumped at the opportunity to play hooky. So, I invited about 12 of my closest friends and seven of them were able to make it for the event. While partying in a vila suite in Vegas with an all-night open bar, might be a pretty standard experience for some poker players, it is definitely NOT something that happens in the everyday lives of your average Minnesotan. Getting all dressed up and having them join with me in our mini-VIP experience was a blast and I’m so thankful they were able to join me.

• People

One of the awesome things about the premiere, and after-party was it brought together people of all varieties from the poker world. You had people directly involved in the film making, online superstars who supported the film financially, poker media members, poker celebrities, executives, and just straight up poker fanboys (and girls). I had such a good time engaging in conversation with people from every one of these categories. As far as I know, you add an open bar to a room full of unique personalities, and it’s a guaranteed good time. This evening did not disappoint. 

Also, while I’ve never really been one to get “star struck” by celebrities, I have to admit it was pretty cool to have some poker rock stars introduce themselves to me (ha!), and say great things about the documentary and my role in the film. I have a ton of respect for sickos like Tom Dwan, Vanessa Selbst, Brian Hastings, and Liv Boree (among others), and to throw back drinks and hear their thoughts on the film was a little surreal. While I admit I’ve had some decent success in my career, I sometimes still just feel like a fangirl, intruding into this world of poker superstars. I can honestly say everyone I met was super laid back and easy to get along with.

As you can see the night was a true success. Now, it’s just a waiting game for June 30^th when the rest of the world can see the film. Can’t wait to hear more feedback from a non-biased crowd. 

My plans for this week include playing a 1k WSOP event, two ladies events, grinding some cash, and celebrating my friend Jays’ birthday with some fun Vegas event. After that, I will return home to spend 4^th of July with the family before returning for the MAIN EVENT! I really can’t think of a better fairytale ending to this journey than making a deep run in the main!!!! 

Thanks for reading 

The Finish Line is in Sight....

The feature length documentary I naively agreed to be in over three years ago is finally finished and will be premiering in less than a week at the Palms Casino, in none other than Las Vegas. It's hard to believe it was three years ago that I got a random message on 2+2 from some creeper named Ryan Firpo, who wanted to know if I'd be interested in being featured in a documentary. It's even harder to believe I heard the creeper out, decided maybe he wasn't a creeper, and agreed to be featured in the film. 

It’s been a really long, sometimes challenging, but incredibly rewarding journey to be a part of this documentary. When I first agreed to be a part of this film, poker was going wonderfully. I was at the peak of my career, doing well in some of the toughest games online. After hiding behind my screen name for so many years, laughing whenever some smart ass would comment in the chat box about how lame I was for “pretending” to be a girl, I was finally starting to open myself up to the poker world and the attention I was receiving was flattering. 

Life was good. 

While I was hesitant, it seemed like it might be kind of cool to be part of a documentary, get my name out there, and have a visual record of this amazing journey I was on. What I didn’t know, was that in the near future my world was going to come crashing down. Having a camera in your face when you are on top of the world is easy. Having it there when you’re devastated, frightened, angry, and emotionally exhausted? Not so much. 

I’ll be honest. If someone told me Black Friday was going to happen in the middle of filming, I’m not sure I’d have agreed to be a part of the film. When the crew came out to Minnesota shortly after, I struggled with the instinct to protect myself at a moment when I felt so incredibly vulnerable, versus the desire to let the cameras see the raw, unscripted pain of the moment. To let myself go completely, felt like a betrayal of my own privacy. To not let my guard down, and show the despair I was feeling, felt like a betrayal to the thousands of poker players, equally as devastated, without a public medium to show the impact on their lives. I think that internal struggle is something almost anybody who has gone through a tough time can identify with. It’s one of the reasons the scene in the movie where I am in my office, choking back tears, with bags under my eyes while discussing the uncertainty of my future, has such an impact. It’s real. It hurt. 

In a bizarre way, I’m excited to share that pain with all of you. “Bet Raise Fold” will be digitally released worldwide on June 30^th. I hope you will buy it and show it to your friends and family. Not because I want to be famous, or because I will make money from your purchase (ha!), but because I am hopeful it can somehow, maybe, in some way, shape or form, make a difference. 

Maybe it will make someone who brushed off poker as just another form of illegitimate gambling think twice? 

Maybe it will somehow make my 1^st grade teacher realize that I have not, in fact, failed at life. Nor do I need rehab for my gambling “addiction.”

Maybe, it will make someone, who isn’t even directly impacted by poker realize it’s silly our government allows horse racing, slot machines, lottery tickets, etc. etc. but fights against a skill based game that has been around for centuries. 

Maybe it won’t make any difference at all, but there’s a chance it will and I’m proud and honored to be a part of the process. 

I hope I represented you well poker world.